the veil is lifting

 

after what felt like a long winter of cold dark nights the glorious new mexico sun is coming out again in full force.

longer days....warmer nights

the sun on my skin is like breath into my lungs........life in my soul 

 

the last couple weeks I got back out onto the trails and ran and all I could see was god, all I could feel was god.......inside me.....outside me, everywhere.

when i'm out there god fills me

sweat on my face, sun on my back, sand in my shoes

i'm alive....

 

the past 6 months have been incredibly intense,

 indescribable really.

 the best way I can try to describe what's happening to me is like an awakening or a hatching, a veil is being lifted and my face is coming to the light

the past 15 years ive been living in a black hole surrounded by smoke and mirrors always looking over my shoulder to make sure no one really sees me.

 

as I slowly come to the surface I am starting to remember who i really am.

 i'm slipping back into my skin, a mold that is exactly me

many of the things that have been resurfacing aren't pretty and i can see so easily why i was at the bottom of a black hole for most of my adult life but i'm ready finally. i'm so ready to to live and breathe my truth and my true self

 

slowly i'm waking up and things are just clear, so clear and so simple

and so much easier to just be authentically me

i don't have to try so hard to fit in somewhere i don't actually fit.

i can just be

ohhhhhh...what a huge relief to just give myself permission to just be

 

i feel true and honest and awake

i have all these wonderful new people in my life who i can be true and honest and open with and it feels amazing

 

and it's like,"ohhhhh...there i am" i was gone for o many years and i'm finally back, back to just being me...simply me

 

about 6 weeks ago i got a treadmill for my bedroom so i can run at night after the kids are in bed and it's been a life saver. the kids and i were all sick for about 3 weeks but now that we're all feeling better I've started half marathon training again and i feel fantastic. ohhhh....how i love to run. i mean i really and truly love it.

my new place has 6 raised garden beds in the back yard so the kids and i are going to start our journey into growing a big lush garden full of wonderful food to eat. we're heading out to the nursery for a shovel and dirt today...

maybe we'll bake something chocolaty for tomorrow and then i'm off to work..

i love my new job....its incredibly rewarding on a level I've not yet experienced in my nursing career

 

so that's a little update on me for now...

oh and i got a new tattoo this week

it's so beautiful, i absolutely love it

 

it's a tribute to my career and my heart wild and free and my love for running.......

 

until next time