feel something....feel everything

 

 

upside down and sideways

 

the feelings just flood in like tidal waves these days

 

i'm all mixed up....there's a black hole in my chest

with a cold wind blowing through........there's

a knot in my stomach that just slowly twists and turns

all.day.long.

 

pretty much impossible to explain the polarity of the feelings I have these days........angry, elated, nervous, settled, sick, joy, sad, bliss.............

 

rollercoaster........want.to.get.off

 

flicker of flames, hot tea and soft music fill my space tonight.

i'm finding it incredibly difficult to put anything into words right now.

I didn't feel much of anything for the last 5 years and all of a sudden i'm feeling everything.....  it's really overwhelming

 

and the word to perfectly describe me right now just popped into my head

..........uncomfortable.........

 

just uncomfortable

 

don't want to sit through it........don't want to feel it

 

the demons in my head can't help but think

what if this is as good as it gets?

what if this is it?

 

there's no going around........have to go through

 

 

be.

here.

now.